So You Are Searching For Information About Dating A Narcissist
That’s never a good sign….
Are you worried that you have a Narcissist in your midst? We all have some tendencies and that is considered normal as long as they aren’t extreme but it is something to keep an eye on once you become aware of it.
Dating a person who is a full blown Narcissist is a Life Draining experience that will change you for the rest of your life long after they are gone. It may make you feel weaker but you actually are forced into becoming much stronger as long as you stay in this toxic environment because you really don’t have a choice as long as you stay.
One thing you must remember and that is that a Narcissist will never believe that they are a Narcissist and they will work hard to convince you that you are the problem before they will ever believe that it’s really them so just understand that it’s rare as a Hen’s tooth to get them to become aware of their problem & suddenly change because most of them will never see it so change is not easy to do because you have to be aware of a problem before you can resolve it.
Here is a few things to be on the watch for if you think you may be dating one but as I already mentioned, if you are reading this page you probably already know exactly what the signs are.
They Are Never Wrong
How dare you suggest that they are wrong about something! In fact, it is you who is in the wrong and you may hear about every mistake you have ever made in your life and a few that you didn’t even know you made.
It really insults and angers them to be told that they are wrong or made a mistake because they are above all of that and find the accusation to be highly offensive.
Everything They Do Is Perfect
If for example they buy wrapping paper one time in their life you can bet it is the best wrapping paper in the world and they will brag on their good shopping choice for days on end. If they fix a piece of toast you might have to listen to them go on & on about how you need to take lessons from them on how to make the perfect toast and you will be encouraged to brag on it too of course with every single bite because they crave to hear someone else brag on them as much as they brag on themselves.
They Live On A One Way Street
They will do what they want to and you will do what they say you can do and then since they do whatever they want, they will no doubt cross some kind of boundary and do something you wouldn’t like so whatever they accuse you of is likely what they have been doing. When you defend yourself the following will come at you.
- You might get the “Question Game” where they bombard you with questions that are hard to answer so when you mess up (you will always mess up) they will “catch” you and make you explain yourself until you forget about what they did or just want peace so badly it isn’t worth pursuing.
- Impossible Accusations is another common game they play. They come up with off the hook accusations to accuse you of usually involving cheating or lying and it’s always about something that you have no way to prove. For example if you went to the store alone how can you prove you didn’t cheat? They won’t accuse you of things you can physically prove because being proved wrong is a big fear of theirs.
No, You’re The Crazy One!
Their end goal is to destroy you mentally and they will do everything they can to make it happen. Mind games & psychological attacks are all part of the process. They will confide to friends behind your back with their one-sided victim show about how badly you treat them, how mean you are, that you have mental illness etc..
Mine always liked to make himself look like a Victim and would tell people very one-sided snippets of our arguments or confrontations and it was just enough for people to get a really bad impression of me but he never told the full story so people just didn’t know the truth and formed their opinions based on what he would say. It’s unfair but it’s surprising how very few people have the sense to pick up on the fact that there are 2 sides to every story.
They Are Very Childish
They are big babies with big tantrums. They either get their way or you will pay and they train you over time to read their minds through their actions & tone of voice. They may technically say that you can go do X but if you do you will pay because they said it in “that” tone of voice. They will deny they have ‘that tone of voice” and will say that they said you could go do X but you will pay if you don’t pick up on the very subtle clue you are given. They may deny it but they know damn well what they do so don’t fall for this one.
When they feel that Love is being withheld from them it sets them off and they throw tantrums in rage. There is a big spectrum of tantrum types and not all of them will break furniture and scream, some will just act very hurt while others focus on revenge or other negative responses.
Everything Is about Them Including That!
And yes, sex is on this list. They are usually very greedy when it comes to sex and they will make sure they are in first place and don’t really care if you never make it to the finish line. Every so often they will show you what they are capable of just to take that back away from you. If you say anything to them about it they will be greatly offended and you are being mean to them in their mind.
Deep down they feel inferior and they would rather you see them as a lazy Lover than an inferior one but outwardly they express that with the attitude that you are the lucky one who gets to be with them because they view themselves as quite the Lover.
There are lists & lists of other signs I can give you but the point of this article is about you, the real Victim and as long as you are in this relationship you will remain a Victim to their insanity and they will suck the Life Energy right out of you.
As far as my studies with Psychology goes, this is the subject I’m drawn to because I have an oddly long list of Narcissists I’ve known throughout life and I believe it’s because we are like magnets to them and “we” meaning strong people.
I label them by two primary types of Victims they seek out and depending on the type of narcissist they are they have a specific type of Partner in mind.
Controlling Narcissists get their satisfaction by choosing a Partner that they view as weaker than them. They are the more childish variety that likes to Bully their Mate to feel good because they know that they themselves are very weak. The Victim isn’t necessarily a weak person but through the eyes of insanity that is how they are perceived.
Dominating Narcissists get their kicks from the challenge of turning a strong person into a Victim so these people go after people they view as powerful and stable. They want to transform this person into a quivering ball of “yessir” and take away their personal powers one by one.
You might think Controlling & Dominating are the exact same thing but while they are similar they are also different because The Controlling type is weak themselves and The Dominating Type is not weak, instead they are complete bullies. Coincidently, the Controllers are more dangerous because they have possibly been bullied themselves and maybe even still get bullied by family or co-workers and their Victim will pay the price for that because that is the only person they can really punish. I have been with both types.
I always tell people that anyone can end up with a Narcissist because they are very good at hiding their real self but if you keep ending up with one Narcissist after another then you really need to examine yourself to see what is attracting them. It doesn’t feel good to say it but I have been at that point myself so there is no shame in discovering this but there is shame in not fixing & Healing from it so you can stop attracting them.
Also, don’t forget to Sage your home if they have been in your space so you can remove any lingering stagnant or Negative Energy they have left behind. Just an observation I have personally made, Narcissists can’t stand the smell of Sage. It really triggered my ex badly and he could not be in the house if I was burning it. 😉